The Action Stars We Idolized in Our Childhood

Gunshots fired. The nighttime shows were all cut, news were up. A group of policemen were grouped to arrest one man who was shouting to the crowd that he’s innocent. Onlookers gathered. Each of them had his own business whether to feed their curiousity or just to take advantage of the scene.  A bus driver running for his life – ”All are dead. All are dead!” Media all seeking the best place to take a shot. News channels competing to show off who has the most clear camera views. One hostage-taker. Eight dead.

Seeking for entertainment, I went home early last night. I was not fond of action movies. But this time I got hooked, my face a few inches from my 20-year old television. It was real. Not a real action movie. But a real-life hostage drama with action driven theme. I was wrong. It was horror. Too many gunshots. Too many dead bodies.

Fear. Shock. Revulsion. Disappointment. Sympathy.

I literally wished that foreign groups would interfere and save those innocent people inside the bus. By the time I saw our local police prepared themselves, I admitted that  they needed help. Desperately. A group of more than ten policemen. With only one shield to cover all of them. One chief commanding them. He had no safety suit nor helmet. Only the proud uniform with no enough cloth to cover his bulging stomach. With no strategies they surrounded the bus, with a firm solid aura. They were too manly that they could replace our local action stars. Equipped with just one hammer, they tried to put open the bus by pounding the glasses. Almost an hour they entertained the spectators with these very well laid-out plans. Gushots from inside the bus. Gunshots fired back by the police.

By this moment, I started wondering. Did these policemen felt that they were just on a training exercise?

Behind those bus curtains were bodies, we didn’t know whether they still have lives or might be still be pleading for life. I shivered just by the thought.

We call them SWAT. Special waepons and tactics. According to wikipedia, they are trained to perform high-risk operations that fall outside of the abilities of regular officers.  They have specialized equipment including heavy body armor, ballistic shields, entry tools, armored vehicles, advanced night vision optics, and motion detectors for covertly determining the positions of hostages or hostage takers inside of an enclosed structure.

I call them DISAPPOINTMENT. A noun that is defined by DISGRACE.

Eight people lost their lives. The world witnessed the could have been comedy the PNP presented. But the dead bodies made it as horrific as horror movies.

Our mother nation cried while watching the scene.

Now, she’s standing in front of the world, being stoned with ridicule and mockery.

She lost her face and the greatest challenge written all over her is how to win her reputation back.

The Whispers of Sweet Nothings

So you complain.

The Passion Found In a Quarter Part of Life

You found me finally. And I found you.

We met.

And here we are. Holding each other.

I really hope  you’ll stay. With me. For long.

Because you are my Passion. My love. And I’m happy to be with you.

 It is now that I have this intense, compelling feeling. To pursue. To carry on. And to dream with you.

 I am here. And you are here.

By the power of Pen you came.  And by the power of words you’ll stay.

The Predictions

I couldn’t recall what I did good.

All I know is that the world’s side is on me.

The Second

Time has been driving fast; too fast that I couldn’t catch up.

 This is for the second year of this blog. 

The Borrowed

     “Have you ever been in love?

Horrible isn’t it?

It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore.

Love takes hostages.

It gets inside you.

It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts.

Not just in the imagination.

Not just in the mind.

It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.

“I hate love.”

- Neil Gaiman

Just To Separate My Separated Thoughts

         http://yourockmyworld.i.ph

The Anxious

Please do not think that my friends are more important than you.

Just as the universe retains its balance.

Because without them, I could have gone insane when you left me.

The Wait

Just so you know, I didn’t walk away. I was just at the door, waiting for the knob to turn.  But it didn’t.

It’s time to turn back.

Letter to the City

I know you’re wishing that words could kill. By then, you’d be bleeding to death.

Thank you!

Dear you,

 This is meant and written for YOU.

 Dear a**hole,

I can’t blame you. It’s just I was so gullible and trustful. It’s my fault why a**holes like you pop out like mushrooms in this innocent world. You put stain on the beautiful white paint on the wall which now turned into a graffiti wall we see when we pass by the slum area of the city. You are nothing but an eyesore to everyone who passes by. But then, thank you. You taught me not to trust easily. That people only tend to show their best foot forward but after they get what they want, they’ll stick out their cigarrette and will dip the burnt end’s ash directly on your face. THANK YOU.

Dear superuser,

I can’t blame you. It’s just I was so gullible and trustful. I thought that everyone has good intentions, nothing but pure and honest intentions. But then slowly I just realized that you’re taking advantage of me, has taken advantage of me. But it’s all too late. I realized this then when you’ve already taken all away from me. But then, thank you. You taught me not to trust easily. That relationships in the world mostly are Parasitism. And sometimes worse, it becomes Predation. Now I’m growing up to be the predator, not just always the prey. And now I’m strong.THANK YOU.

Dear double-faced prick,

I can’t blame you. It’s just I was so gullible and trustful. I just thought that you are such a true and good friend of mine until I recently heard of your pretentious ability. You have such a wonderful talent. In fact you can play the role of an alien dominating the earth. Facing people with your cutie lil face, then slowly stripping off the mask that hides your ugly wrinkling skin.  You need a very good plastic-surgeon mehn. I’ve known men who dressed like diplomats but they were ugly human beings. But still, I appreciate your existence because you make this world exciting and wonderful. THANK YOU.

Dear great liar,

I can’t blame you. It’s just I was so gullible and trustful. You know my archived messages made my day today. I laughed big time.  How can’t someone believe those sweet messages from you, very sweet and caring. Til just now, it became the words that made Gloria apologize in public TV - ” I am sorry”. But it’s kinda too late now. Those words made you look like a clown performing ball juggling at cheap public funfair . But then, I thank you. Because you made me realize how f*cking prick you are. Yes I am loathing. And I have every bit of the right to loathe. THANK YOU.

Now isn’t it great to meet these kind of people?

Let’s all be grateful.

The Off

I’ll be away for quite a time.

But always remember. I love you.

I’ll miss you

I’ll Whisper to your Ear Every Rude Word I Know

Thank you.

I’ve learned.

That it takes balls to show how you really feel.  But you have none of those.

That it takes to courage to fight for what you want. But all I see is cowardice.

That is takes humility to be able to express how you feel. But all I see is pride.

I’ve learned.

That in the end, you save your pride. But the words that you’re holding and the feelings that you’re keeping is about to explode anytime.

That in the end, you are the one losing. 

Look at yourself. Yes, you’re confined in you’re safety zone. But does it really makes sense? 

You just have one shot in life.

Forget the damn f*cking pride!

Stand up!

It’s all in your head and nothing else. 

End of Season (2)

Could have been. I found a good person in you.But. Neither of us will grow. No one wants to step down. It’s a river with a dead end.Now it became a lake. I hoped. I didnt want to give you up. But. Only now it became clear. None of us is moving. So let me be the one to end this. The clock is ticking. And i don’t want to waste mine. I don’t wanna waste yours too. Let’s grow up. Grow up.

Juan in Wonderland, 2010.

Two weeks before the election, different jingles flood the nation as they try to dwell in the minds of the people. Banners and posters showing faces, may it be known or unknown, having lives of their own. They smile to every people who pass on the way, showing the most admirable part of their countenance. TV advertisements that becomes part of the daily households. Stages set on the roads. Microphones echoing. Personalities performing, entertaining. Speeches. Handshakes.Feigning. Deception. Mudslinging.

Everyone is trying to make himself beautiful in front of his audience. On the other side, people are watching, listening, entertained.

The country is becoming a map of clowns, entertainers, fairy tales. People fall down a rabbit hole into a theme park populated by peculiar creatures.

We are not children who’d be happy with one storybook.

This is not a fairy tale.

We are in a real world with dream like needs.

And we need not just good people to lead us.

We need ourselves to put good people to lead us.

Last Night

And I knew it. Just one one touch from you, and I am swept away again.

The What-If

And what if I die tomorrow.

Then there’d be no chance to show how important you are to me.

Then there’d be no chance to shed off the tears I’ve been holding for quite a time.

Then there’d be no chance to wrap you in my arms as I’ve been long imagining.

Then there’d be no chance to give my warmest kiss on your soft cheeks.

And all that would have left are the lousy words I wrote here.

And all would have known of me is the cowardice I haven’t knocked down.

To live is to love. To love is to live.

And I love you.

I hope I’ve touched your soul even in the tiniest way. Because that’s how I want to live.

To leave a smile on your face when you think of me.

The Time-off

And then he told me, ‘’If you are brave to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello”.

So be it. I’m INVISIBLE by now.

Valentines Day

I never lose hope. I still believe that someday we will meet. Our roads have never crossed yet.Maybe it’s because there’s so much traffic on the way. Or maybe you’re just on the other lane, but you or me haven’t got the chance to glance sideways. Because we’re afaid that someone might cut our own lanes.

Or maybe we’ll bump into eah other on my lonely city street. Or maybe I could bum a piece of cigarette from you during Christmas.

I hope you’re just there. Doing your way at the backstage. Soon, the show will be over, and finally I get to meet you. I really hope so.

The Broken Clock

Hey you. Just a quick word of thought. Show the world how you feel. Tell them. Tomorrow may not come. And regrets would just be regrets. You don’t want to lose something important just because you chickened out.

I’ve done it way too long and I’m done. There’s nothing more painful than having not said what should’ve been said.

The Start of Fall

Don’t trip me. Or else I’ll fall.

The Angry

I don’t need to hear them now. Shut up. Now Just shut up. And f*ck off!.

Words are not Meant

Words are just words. It’s either they are meant when said or not. I believe the latter.

Because right now it’s not easy to break the wall that guards the broken pieces.

The You

And sometimes, you just need to grip on tightly and leave the world behind.

I know you. You are a good person. And I love you for that.

You just need to filter the words that are coming into your ears. Leave only the good ones. Let your nerves seep in the good thoughts and your past memories, but let only the happy ones to come in.

You are a unique individual. And no one can take that away from you.

You are alive. Do something. Dance in the the rain.  Love. Talk to strangers. Adopt a pet.

Live life carefreely. No one gets out of it alive anyway.

My First Dance

I’ve finally found my perfect wedding song. Now I just need to find the groom.

And I imagine it would be all perfect. My first dance with my man. Dancing as if there would be just the two us under the spotlight.

Moon river. Henry Mancini. Accompanied by the best quartet in town, a pianist friend, and a singer friend.

Now what I only need is to see the world through heart-shaped sunglasses.

The Perplexity of Mind

I am not me. This is not the person my friends knew. My thoughts are wandering. Every second. It seems like the universe is throwing a thought in my brain in every nanosecond. I need to breathe. I longed for someone. I had someone. But that didn’t help. So the problem is just me. Just me.

Airholes on the Box

Finally, I was able to breathe…

after a long week of stress, dillemmas, sleepless nights, tons of coffee, menopausal-like emotions, and a lil bit exhaustion of my heart and brain… the bleeding finally stopped.

and now it’s time to head off the beach..Boracay time baby ♥…

A Twist in Our Story

and I imagined your arms wrapped tightly around me…

…but that was before you broke my heart. <\3

500 Days of Summer

Now I finally validated that how I think is just normal.

I am normal. That it’s just not me who thinks about the crapiness and complications of love.

I am Summer.

I think relationships are for those who are selfish. A person goes into a relationship because he might just want to be with someone, because he might be afraid of walking alone, of doing things alone.

He might have been used to be taken care of, so is why, he’ll be needing someone to be there with him.

Not because he is in a relationship means he is in love with the person he’s with…

So why does it hurt when the person you were with, broke up with you?

That might just be because you got used to be with her often, that you managed to live day by day  being with her.

And now that she’s gone, you feel lonely… not hurt, but lonely.

People wants to feel better by having someone who appreciates him.

Someone who spends time and effort to be with him, just to approve that he’s worth something.

So once he’s back to his routinary boring life, he’d enter into something that would give him the thrill and excitement and complications of human emotions.

And people often call it Love, but I call it selfishness.

Because all of it,  circles only to himself.

And once his emotions get messy, he’d get the hell out of it once again and there he’ll go run in the same loop. Doing same things over and over…

People may pass judgement to those who are by themselves. Smirking a pathetic grin to them.

But in truth, they pity themselves.

Cause they are envious of the freedom and independence these people get.

That they might actually pity themselves because they couldn’t even stand on their own, live on their own, and they can’t even do things they wanted to do because they need to consider the other person.

.

.

.

.

.

But then, how would I describe what I felt…

What I’ve said…I think didn’t make any sense…

The return of Sadness

Then suddenly you arrived…

You got to visit her once again…

And she get wrapped by you.

She got herself submerged by your presence.

She closed her eyes and let her ears bleed out of the music that sets her apart from the world.

No exact words to describe how you clawed inside of her, giving her pain that could knock the beat out of her heart…leaving her lifeless.

You sucked the little optimism out of her, the only thing that gives life on her dead-pan face.

and then you left…

but Pain made its appearance after…

It cripples through her veins, sending wracking waves of hurt through her limbs and head.

But she knows that she could go strong enough to bear it…

Until it finally subsides.

The Sprout of New Season

My knees are shaking…and I can’t do even a baby step.

Cause you’re here once again.

And all my courage and pride had collapsed once more.

All you need to do is show up, and I’m taken away again…

All the words have been eaten up…

All the pain have been erased…

All the memories flashed back…

But Summer has already ended.

and even Time personified can’t turn himself back to once he had been…

All those little Creepheads

And there you are, having said all those words saved in a template…

Trying to push yourself to make you feel good - out of  miseries of other people…

Yes, you feel so high at the moment…

But only in the height of despair of everyone else…

bragging your feet off the muddy scenes to put out the best in you…

but later’ll be dragging off the effin carpet of your dwelling…

and now the real good deed we ask is … will you just shut the f*ck up!?

Loop of Pain

It’s a storybook, isn’t it?

No, it’s a teaching device.

You were warned…

That it would hurt you terribly,

but you chose not to listen…

It’s just the same loop of pain,

and we are all running in the same circle…

One hurting another,

then, hurting another…

… to get even.

It’s always the same.

The players change.

But the game remains the same…

10:10

Amidst the strongest storm that passed and the neck-deep flood of pain, you were there and you stretched your arms , gripped my hands…and saved me.

Yes, you saved me…and I thank you. 

Now, I’m ready to see the beauty of life once more…without the cruel stain of the past.

Learn to Live :)

Now I realize that my page is starting to get heavy and I promise to just continue on blogging about lighter things. Thanks to Aron and Chris ( and also to you Alen, tsong ) who reminded me that people are still reading my posts. Now I feel guilty that I’m radiating negative feelings to my readers, please accept my apologies if so .

Enough of the crappy words about love and emotional euthanasia.

I’ve learned my lesson well. And it’s time to close that stupid chapter of my journal.

..and now back to blogging

Innocence Again

and then she wept…

She wanted you to burst through that door and comfort her, try to say something…anything.

She could feel that she still loves you, even with the tiniest shattered piece of her heart.

She’s weeping inside…suppressed…agonized…deep, unfathomable pain.

She’s smiling, yet her eyes are gulf of vast pang that one cannot measure.

She doesn’t  know how to swim in the deep, overflowing pool of sorrows…and she’s drowning. And no one’s ever gonna save her…

All she wants to do now is to be kept safe in her hidden world of hurt and lies…

The Cycle of Nature

I was your prey.

But now I’ve that I’ve grown enough, and you’re too old to grip, you are now the worm that will serve as feed to the hungry chicks.

The End of the Season

Don’t dare think that’s it’s always about you. It only makes you look the same stupid guy I’ve met.

And yes, I’d be the same stupid girl you’ve known.

Now, it’s a beautiful pain after all…

3 A.M.

And I’m thinking what if we never have faced each other since then. 

Because the whole thing was better on the phone.

You were so much better on the phone.

And now I wish you were just a voice that whispers sweet nothings…

Happy Anniversary my dear…

and here’s a toast to the moment I was inspired to write…another more year of blogging! Cheers!!!