A Little Candle in the Darkest Room of my Despair

She told me it’d be okay…but still it isn’t okay.

She told me to blog it out…but still it doesn’t help.

She told me to listen to music…but it only hurts more.

I keep on crying, although not visible…my soul is crying.

They keep on telling me that this will pass, just a normal stage in life that I’d still be experiencing if I haven’t experienced it at this point…but i really want it to fast track to the moment where i would’t feel the pain.

All I can do is to endure it, closed-fist while carrying on persisting.

I keep on pretending that everything’s alright…because that’s all what I can do - to PRETEND, just as so for me not to look miserable.

I escaped the routine, I’ve wished that I could escape the routine, so God put me in here, to challenge the pretentious side of me. I pretended to be strong, so why not keep on pretending…? Doesn’t look painful, yet it still feel painful…

Chocolates, coffee, chocolates, coffee….reprisal that doesn’t make sense…helping me feel at ease in every nanosecond, but later on turns out back badly…

I want to go to the beach alone, lay on the sand, drink my favorite vodka, get drunk and scream until my voice runs out.

I want to drive and go on a roadtrip by myself, if only I could, go to places and meet lots of different people, to know them, to dance freely somewhere, where no one is watching.

I want to go to a place where no one can recognize me and from there, I’ll start all over again…